MAGAZINE

MORT'S SHORTS

Who says we don’t know what it feels like to be a minority? Hop Up Guys and other self-proclaimed traditionalists are the numerical minority in a population that is disproportionately streetrod. Smoother. Evolved. Moderne. And we dare say...billetized?

As that minority, society doesn’t provide us with as much opportunity to be the big shots. Less mag coverage. Fewer events specifically designed to praise us. Fewer advertisers dignify us by making products for our unique needs. Our accomplishments are seldom noted.

It ain’t right.

Some of us have scrappers with no real paint on ‘em and we can’t even get in to the LA Roadster meet each year. They hate us because of the color of our cars. They must have the party just to be separate from us and to celebrate their superiority.

And we deserve better.

The majority seems to be discriminating against us...it’s obvious...look how many of them there are! We’re sure they don’t like us because we are the few. They are practicing elitism, aren’t they? They hate us; talk about us. They’re pre-disposed to thinking they are better than us. Yeah.

They been real mean to us. They meet in smoke-filled rooms, talking bad about us; conspiring to keep us down. They’re preoccupied with us. And it’s not fair.

Don’t we got rights?

We’ll sue. Yeah. We’ll sue the NSRA. Goodguise. We’ll sue B Coddington, the LA Roadsters; we’ll sue PPG, Dupont and the Rodfather hisself..

We’ll march. We’ll boycott. We’ll create organizations with acronyms and we’ll make posters; we’ll hire a fake preacher.

We want equal opportunity to be bitchin. Where’s the number for the ACLU?

Us versus them? Right................

Isn’t it just like the noisy minority to make all the racket and scream discrimination when there can’t be any discrimination because the majority doesn’t give a shit? Those billet guys couldn’t feel any enmity for us low lifes because they feel all right about themselves. They feel alright enough about themselves that they don’t have to hate us or disdain us. Or plot against us. Or cheat us out of anything. They don’t know about us.

Leave them the fuck alone. We really are cooler.

Hop Up Honor. Stay Honor.

NEW PRODUCT

We run these things if there is anything hinkey - wheel wobble - bump steer - whatever - and they civilize the steering on a traditionally suspended car. We like the black because it tends to ‘die’ underneath the car.

We used to go to a VW place, get a damper for a bus, wrangle some Ford tie-rod clamps from Joe or somebody, find fasteners the right length and then set it up. Not any more. Just call So-Cal at (909) 469-6171.

Tell ‘em to Hop Up Honor.

SO-CAL DAMPENS BUMP-STEER