Mort's Shorts

TRYING TOO HARD

It’s…. going out of your way to have all the cool shit. Bee Hive. Flames. Dice. Radial whitewalls on 15” wire wheels. Billet ‘nostalgia’ dash insert.

Nobody ever did that. At least not all at the same time............

So ...we, in our cool all-knowing trad mode..know what’s really right..and we load them up with all our really right stuff…you know….Kelseys, correct axle, instruments, gennie this or that…‘Henry’ hoozit…‘N.O.S. do-jobbie’, original decals…an’ a rare license plate topper to ‘top’ it off. We ought to, right? We’ve known what the shit was for 40 years, collected a bunch of it and by God, we gonna run it. Pity the foo that has wrong parts on his ride, right?

Maybe so. I got the concept that we were wrong from somebody else, and I agreed; ‘responded that this gotta-be-correct old part shit is as anal, and fun-compromising as restorers and V-8 guys used to be. And some of ‘em still are.

I’ve never had trouble, for example, rationalizing something like a Vega box, but by now I’m tired of….. oh….seeking the perfect original SW gauges. The next one will have off-the-shelf ones, old style but new..but probably still in a genuine Auburn panel. So…I mean…so who cares?

It’s gonna have nylocks. Yeah. So fuckin’ what? Like some critic is going to tell me what I should have on a chassis that will get 50000 on it before I’m done. Naw. I can’t see ‘em from the cockpit anyway. And I’ve got one with the other shit. Yeah, I do.

It’ll have pull-out axles, and no fake axle stubs grafted on. Fuck axle keys. And an open drive line: fuck a bunch of torque tubes and wrangling the seals in them so they won’t drip all the goddamn diff oil outa the trans.

If I decide on an alternator..give me a break, OK?

And I may break up for good with ‘39 transmissions…Zephyrs or not. Poppin’ outa second gear, indeed.

The backing plates (won’t go disc on a highboy of any kind) will be Bob Wilson’s repros. Yeah, I could go find the LAST FUCKING original Lincoln ones in the world, have Terry weld up the e-brake holes then paint ‘em up ..or chrome ‘em..yeah I could..and I already have about 12 times…but no. Fuck no.

And here’s the certified truth: if they don’t have a good radial option in a 16 when I’m ready? Maybe 15’s. (We may be fishtailin’ on this one, but I could maybe do it.)

All this hyperbole flows because we been lucky enough to have done it the correct way..in the past…and we still have the correct iron in the barn…available..on-call..any time we need the purity..the ...veritas..that that iron brings. If you can have just one, though,.....it must be right. Past that..you can make life easier..especially when you are older  like we are…...........by not being so..consumed.

But…even so…ya know…on the otherhand..it ain’t all that hard….I was thinkin’ fer zample….....what if the tach and speedo in Jive Five had the correct bezels..the instruments would all be the same…like I always wanted them…...hmmmm…maybe I’ll call Seaholm….........an’ I wonder if he could set me up with another set of instruments for that original Auburn cluster for the hiboy…an’....an’......I’ve got that N.O.S. Lincoln U-Joint that Kofoed got me..so a ‘39 box wouldn’t be all that bad….would it…?

Decisions. Yeah. Personal choices, decisions at every turn; it’s hot rodding, not restoring.

So..it’s all good, then, ain’t it?

Have a Hot Rod Seance